loney...loniliness

right know i feel a sense of awe and a sense of...?i'll call it space.it feels like theres something missing and i can't quite figure it out. actually i can…ish i'm coming from a place where i am so used to having people i love around me.i'm coming from a place where i'm used to being a part of a community.i'm coming from a place where i'm used to doing the "right" thing or the next thing on the list or the "important" thing.i'm coming from a place filled with stuff.and know i fell an empty space.a space where i'm just flaoting,where i'm just finding my feet.i know i always have my place and identity in Christ but...what? although,comming from that place of community,i do long for that "belonging" thing or that where a person will touch another person in ways that dont happened outside of Love.

why do i write all these things? Is it because I long to have a deep soul connection with myself, with others, with God. is it because some how I long to give myself completely to a cause. Why write theses things.Why not just continue with being busy with life. There's a part of me that longs for meaning,that longs for depth, that longs for something sacred something worth everything and me writing stuff is an expression of my search

wierd tings

I went out with some of my flat mate yesterday and it was pretty interesting.( that’s my favourite word by the way). Anyway, the place wasn’t really my scene or my type of music etc but I’m all for …not too sure what word to use. It was the first time I went out with the girls and it was really cute. They were like taking care of me or making sure I’m having fun. They were really sweet. And when never they showed an act of love or care or whatever word you want to use (the little things do count), the first thing that came out my mouth was… God bless you. And I really meant it. It wasn’t loud though in was in my head. When I said that, it kinda made me look around and ask… God are you here? God is here? It was pretty interesting.
The funny thing is that I feel like I'm more of myself. Well, I’ve just been watching myself talking to people I wouldn’t really talk to in lectures etc. it’s like I feel more encouraged to get to know people…strange! And this has something to do with how going out to a different scene with the girls has affected me.
I had a bit of a struggle trying to switch my mind off though after the night out but it’s gradually moving toward where I want it to be.
relationships…a spiritual and sacred thing?