Contolling

The thing about controlling people is that they tend to be overbearing and overpowering. This cause people to want to stay away from them or avoid them or ignore them. They dont seem to have a good grasp of turn taking. i.e my turn then yours, then mine etc. And usually have really strong beliefs and opinions. Which also makes them come across like only their opinion matters as a result they often dismiss other peoples opinions, making it less likely for people to share their opinion with them. Or perhaps, thinking twice about it. They can never be told they're wrong

Controlling people tend to take the life out of a good think till there's nothing left. In this environment no real friendship or intimacy can grow. Intimacy is all about turn taking, and valuing others opinions freely. The peoples opinions you value most, are those who value your opinion. This is because overtime, in the process of valuing anothers opinion, you grow in love, understanding, honesty and trust. Even when it comes to God. He really cares about our opinions or thoughts. He cares about the smallest of details and wants to be involved in that. And we are safe to talk to Him about our opinions. Because He actually values these minor details of what we think, we trust Him more and He becomes more involved in our lives even in the small things like what would be best to wear etc. Which direction to take when lost

Controlling people also tend to have a false sense of reality. Subconsciously, they have an expectation of how someone should respond and as a result project those reactions on people. And are therefore usually not very intuitive about what others are thinking or feeling. And assume that people are enjoying their company when the opposite is most likely. They'd just be aware of the physical appearance of those feeling but are totally unaware of how they come across. And strongly believe their perception is correct. As a result people avoid them and dont usually have many close relations.

They probably have a very skewed opinion of themselves. Perhaps thinking of themselves as caring or make statements about themselves which are true only in their minds. Even their "caring" is overbearing.

Controlling people also tend to be forceful and demanding. Never seeing themselves as such. Often tend to be constantly unsolicited coaching other people lives

Controlling = overbearing, overpowering, opinionated, dismissive, false sense intimacy, bully, forceful, demanding, unsolicited advice & coaching peoples lives

the more you try, the more you fail

growing up you always hear people saying just be yourself. what does that mean... dont try be any one else. how do people know that you're trying to be someone else? because you're "trying". People have a sense of what is authentic and what is not.

So the advise is stop trying to be someone that you're not and just relax in a way, and be yourself. I remember being with people who are always trying to be funny or cool or your best friend or something their not and it gets so annoying. To the point of wanting to pull a hair out or just simply avoiding them totally. the alternative would be too mean

i think when it comes to people, it's best not to try! just be yourself and let thing grow or happen at an organic level.

it's a bit or a viscous cycle...

the more you try, the more you fail. the more you fail, the harder you try. the harder you try............YOU FAIL

until one day their an immovable force and you cant try. and you therefore give up trying; give yourself up to the situation. allowing and not forcing; allowing and not controlling; allowing and not calculative.

what's that word...

a conversation or rather a lecture type, your wrong, how dare you, you must, kind of conversation. they type had when your parents where upset with you.the type where you dont get a word in so you just listen. what do you call that conversation? like the student teacher conversation. The word I'm looking for is reprimand!!!

Reprimand by nature is to basically point or wagging a finger because of something wrong. Reprimand is behaviour level. By it's nature it doesnt really engage the heart. It rather attracts avoidance. to avaoid being reprimanded is also a behavioural response. some kids may avoid the teacher, or avoid answering, or avoid anything that may lead to being reprimanded.

I guess when a person has no understanding of who they are, or should i say, when the "self" or identity hasn't formed yet. In this case reprimand works cause your dealing with a child.

Reprimand is an attempt to force a behaviour. this is allowed to a point with teacher and their students, kids and parents etc. but when it's adults, it's possible to go to jail for trying to force a behaviour. looking at the extremes... forcing them to have sex, keeping them against their will etc.

outside of behaviour, i dont think you can reprimand a child for having a beliefs e.g. being a Christian. If you reprimand them for their beliefs than they'll find other ways of practising their Christianity let say. they may appear on the surface as conforming to the reprimand but in the privicy of their rooms, they would pray. or lie about going to a conference by saying they're going to a friends house. and this "persecution" will propel them to be the greatest Christian in the community. and eventually when they grow up and out the house they can then share this part of them that they weren't able to share.

Or imagine reprimanding someone that's about to jump off a building. Reprimand doesn't see beyond behaviour and therefore isn't affective when it comes to things that cause. the beliefs or understandings. Nor does it attempt to go beyond this. The man jumping off the building is not going to be stopped by reprimand. It works for those who dont make decisions or are unaware of their decisions i.e. children under 6ish. After this, it's heading towards adulthood and you get the required response when you reason with an adult. Hence God saying to someone who thought they were deserving of death "Come now, let us reason together," And that's how they became one in beliefs. The core