Expectation vs Achievement = Happy

I watched a film called The Morgans or something. and in the end she got tired and dissappointed because he couldnt be everything she hoped for and vise versa i think. So she said they get bask together and she'll stop expecting him to be her everything and i think he said the same thing. A third party interupted with zeal and said "that's waht marriage is about. Expecting eachother to be their everything even if it may not happen"

I thought that was really interesting. Someone formed a formula for happiness and sad that happiness (H)= Acheivement (A) ÷ Expectation (E)

Identity Part3

A man named Jesus compared marriage with Him relationship with us, people, the church. In other words if I an to understand a bit of marriage, I am to look at Him and His relationship with the church. He works in us by His love and we become the spotless bride that He presents to Himself. In a nutshell, Gods role (apart from saving the earth), His role is to present us to Himself as the bride that He has always dreams and imagined. And He does this, ultimately through His love.

Know on with it...

To start with... we love Him because He first loved us. His love found me. His love rescued me. His love was so great that I found myself in it. I found my identity in His love. I found my security in Him. He called me and told me how He saw me... beautiful, a diamond worth searching for, so precious to Him that He would die for me. And it wasnt just talk, He actually died for me. Before I knew Him or could be of any use of importance to Him.

This love is my security. It is the rock that I stand on. It never is shaken but it does deepens. A mountain of love that surrounds me. His love is everything to me. And from it, from this identity, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Secondly, because I have my identity in Him, I now feel like I can fly. Like I have no limitations, like I'm so much better than yesterday,I have this new found energy. I'm happier much lighter and want to share this with everyone. I want to run and shout it to the mountains and the hills. It's like I've become more like myself. Free to be who I was made to be. And as a result, I do all things with energy, with this assurance, with this new freedom. His love has made me free to be more of who I am. Releasing me to fly. And as I fly, I sing His praises

Thirdly, I no longer get offended or hurt but instead I see the pain or I can see between the lines.It's no longer about me when I talk or in conversations. It's about love. How can I love with my words, actions, touch, time etc. So now I am more able to help the vision of saving, healing, building the world, so to speak.

It's really funny but it seems that obedience becomes a natural thing. It's like your heart and Gods heart become one and therefore, what He sees as close to His heart, becomes what you see close to your heart. You do things almost automatically because you have become one. You do His will because 1.you love Him and 2.You've become one. There is an intimacy. Love requires intamacy and the deep knowings make you become one. Love is one.

Forthly, through experience of this new walk, this new knowledge, this experience... you must praise Him. It makes too much sense to praise and worship Him. You realise to praise Him for the sun, moon and start. For my health, personality, relationships (strangers and friends, family, God etc). You kinda become one that has a grateful heart. Everything seems to tell you a story of God, His love, mercy, favour, power, glory, majesty, holiness, righteousness etc

Fithly, He becomes your Lord. He gives you free will or choice and You give it back to Him. You give Him your choices without diminishing, without becoming less of yourself and it is freeing. Obedience is a choice. You truly give Him your life.

Likewise, perhaps this is what the process of marriage is? In order to become one, she must find her strength, identity, confidence in him, in the love he provides for her. And her openness to his love should set her free or make her more of who she is, with refound energy to be submissive - not like a doormat but like a rushing wind that makes a paper plane fly further than it normally would. And all these other things mentioned earlier, gradually are added.

The average woman however, one who has security in who she is (which is provided by her up bringing) can be a "wife". We all have some sense of security. Your level of security determines the extent to which the process of becoming "one" flowers. It could take longer or change its colour or wilt or simply no movement. A flower that isnt watered will not grow, a flower that doesnt grow, is essentially dead.

Having your security in God however, is the perfect solution. If you allow Him, you are guarenteed a garden of eden.

It's interesting that 1Peter3:56 reads ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master, lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Does this then mean that your husband fulfills the role of God? He becomes your god in ever sense of the word. Not giving way to fear? (aka don't be scared to treat him as such)God, the living water that gives life because He loves. And we serve Him because of this?

Forever Young

Why do we want to live forever? I guess, on some level, we want to be like gods and live forever.
Every generation faces the challenge of a life threatening disease e.g. the black death, HIV and AIDS, cancer, diabetes etc. When we find a cure for one disease, another one crops up. More and more, we are dependant on the cures. We'd rather spend billions, as a country, on reasearching drugs etc, than on prevention. If you look at most illnesses, they can be prevented by "good healthy living". By that I mean, taking care of our hygiene, diet, excersize, relationships - physically, emotionally and spiritually. If the people who lived 10 generations before us lived "good healthy living" and every generation since followed suit, as well as the next 10 generations to follow lived a "good healthy life"(This includes corporations and governments) . I think this would dramatically reduce the number of diseases/illnesses.
Instead we're being bankrupt (financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally etc), spending on drugs and then being rescued from death by drugs. Bankrupt to be rescued. esp in the U.S.

Idenity Part2

One cannot love if they do not posses love. You can learn to love and as such have love through understanding and effort. Or you can love others by being loved. love is like a candle that gives its light to other candles. it doesnt loose anything by lighting up another candle but it cannot burn bright without being lit.
I have met some people that just ooze love and most times, you just want to be around them. They draw you in. They are like fully themselves. Fully alive, fully present, understanding and not imposing. Always believes in better. She can freely be like this because she is freely loved and freely accepts Gods love, which is love in it's purest form.
Love enables you to do things that you normally wouldnt do. things that you find hard to do, love makes it easier. For example, if you saw a homeless man with a weak bladder who asked you for help to change and wash him. This may be hard to do and you wouldnt do it whole heatedly. But if your baby just messed themselves by doing a mixture - no.1 &2. As a parent, you probably tease them, kiss them on the cheek, then give them a wash, with no complains and whole heatedly. That's what love does.
Having love can give you the energy to do anything and to do it whole heatedly

A lil' greedy

I was at one of these cultural events and it really shocks me sometimes that food changes people. They'd become rude and only after their own interest.

Four hours after lunch, a smell of food arises from the kitchen. all of a sudden plates of food appear but they only seem to go to the special people. by that i mean the ones that have fought for the food. went to the kitchen and said a word or two which as a result put fear in the waiters mind and therefore obliged to do as commanded. Or even when your stuffed, you've eaten a whole plate of food, more than you can handle or more then you'd normally eat and then you see your favourite food or dessert or what ever... and then feel that you MUST eat it. Your so full but you force yourself to eat the next thing. I've also herd of stories, African stories where people eat from the same plate. It can turn out to be a competition and the weakest one will eat the least. And as a result may not get enough nutrition. So some mothers realise the weight loss, and give that person their own plate otherwise they wont really eat. Its horrible what food can sometimes turn people into. It's like you just care about yourself and how much you can eat. Always eyeing someone elses plate or eyeing how much food you've eaten to make sure that you eat A LOT. Very calculative. People become unruly, pushing in cues and arguing about portions. Its almost animalistic. I think sometimes in Africa because food can be scarce, it is almost idolised. When food turns up, your no longer a respectable considerate person but it survival of the fittest. When food turns up, it's like the heavens break into song and sing Hallelujah. So children grow up with this mindset, putting food over people, and sometimes, putting food above their health. Eat like food is going to run out or like its the last day they we'll ever have food so eat as much as you can. So everyday becomes the last day. If someone put a mountain of food in front of you, leaving some behind is not a possibility. "This mountain shall be removed". Why? It nurtures an unhealthy relationship with food. Like food is not really to be enjoyed as such but to consumed.

It all can look a lil' greedy
Col3:5 "... Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater..."

Unwritten rules and expectations of culture

I find culture really interesting!!

I went to visit a couple of friends about a month ago and in their culture, in a husband and wife dont sit together then... there's trouble at home. In this culture it's not normal for the couple not to sit together, to tease each other in public. It's really formal weather with close friends or strangers. You get the feel of "It's just the two of us and there isn't any space for anyone else". It's really isolating. In this scenario, the couple may seems a bit insecure, not wanting to make a mistake maybe.

And then I thought about another couple I know who are from a different culture. They are always, like 70% of the time, teasing each other. One would say, you did this wrong and the other would tease and say something like "I know how much you love it when I do that" or be sarcastic or grovel. They're just always teasing each other and nudging or pinching each other on. It's ever so funny to watch. And they come out of it really graceful. You want to be around them because of it. You feel free to be yourself or free to relax. It's an empowering atmosphere. They are fun to be around. You wouldnt feel like you'd need to be a couple to get along with them.It's quite inclusive. In this scenario, the couple seems more secure in who they are or what they have, and accepting of each other.

To some level, yes it is culture but I guess personality comes into to it aswell. I try imaging the same scenarios living in the opposite cultures...
We should have LIFE and have it in abundance. It is our LIFE that is a LIGHT which draws all man to itself or to the LIGHT

There's a therapy method where the "clients" problems, issues etc are resolved, so to speak by simply talking about their issues and being listened to or understood.

This is how the conversation would go.

Therapist:So how are you feeling today
Client:I feel a bit angry
Therapist: You feel a bit angry?
Client:Yes. I ran into her again and she keeps ignoring me
Therapist: She keeps ignoring you?
Client:Yes. When ever I say anything, she doesnt listen
Therapist: She doesnt listen?
Client:Yes, she looks at me and keeps doing whatever she was doing
Therapist:And how does that make you feel?
Client:I just want her to see me. I told her I was sorry so many times and now she's turned everyone against me
Therapist: She turned everyone against you?

..... and the conversation goes on. At the end the "client" feels much better or more able to deal with everyday issues. And people get paid for this!!! And they're never out of a job. There's like a long list of people on the "client" list.
I'm going to try this method for the next week with people around me and see what happens
Understanding yourself and feeling understood makes you more able.