Sex… a Holy Communion

1 Corinthians 11:23 For this is what the Lord himself said, and I pass it on to you just as I received it. On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took a loaf of bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me." 25 In the same way, he took the cup of wine after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant between God and you, sealed by the shedding of my blood. Do this in remembrance of me as often as you drink it." 26 For every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you are announcing the Lord's death until he comes again. 27 So if anyone eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord unworthily, that person is guilty of sinning against the body and the blood of the Lord. 28 That is why you should examine yourself before eating the bread and drinking from the cup. 29 For if you eat the bread or drink the cup unworthily, not honoring the body of Christ, you are eating and drinking God's judgment upon yourself. 30 That is why many of you are weak and sick and some have even died. 31 But if we examine ourselves, we will not be examined by God and judged in this way. 32 But when we are judged and disciplined by the Lord, we will not be condemned with the world. 33 So, dear brothers and sisters, when you gather for the Lord's Supper, wait for each other.

I’ve often thought of sex as a holy thing despite my passed behaviour when looking through the history book of my life. Although this is true I must thank God that He has kept me. In my world people also think it’s an impossibility so I guess my life proves otherwise
Back to what I was saying… I really hope that this can be read as it IS, as opposed to it being read with the mindset of “yea well, you would feel that way”. I hope that it won’t be read thought the glasses of my life…
Anyway…I’ve often thought of sex as a holy thing. I remember the Passover meal / Holy Communion and the way I feel about it is that it’s a sacred thing. It should be just done with Jesus or a your priest giving you the bread and wine; it shouldn’t be taken plainly without thought or knowing what it is that your about to partake in. I believe the same thing applies when it comes to sex. That same feeling you get about how sacred Holy Communion is, a similar feeling should come about when it comes to sex. Sex is a holy and sacred thing.
It's interesting to know that the word intercourse pretty much means communication.
From the Passover meal, Jesus says He’s been waiting and looking forward to the day He’d share a meal with His friends. He had a close relationship with the disciples; they were like a band of brother. For them to have that meal was good. It’s like when you haven’t seen your best friend who you grew up with and you guys used to stay up till 3 in the morning sometimes crying because of all the chats and experiences you’ve had. If you haven’t seen this person for a while or if you know that you won’t see them for a very very long time, you’d want to set aside time to do something together that would make you feel close. And I guess sex in marriage is like that for example. I’ve looked forward to this hour with deep longing… I could say this because of the relationship that already stands that I have been looking forward to this hour with deep longing, anxious to share it with you…etc etc.
The Passover meal is Jesus sharing Himself with His friends and that is what the Holy Communion is about. We remember that Christ scarified His body that He suffered for the people H had chosen…all people. That’s what sex is about. It’s a sacrifice of myself, it’s me willingly giving and sharing myself to that one person of choice…the deepest part of me.
Jesus broke the break and gave it to those He loved. With sex, in females that is, something is broken…the hymen. You basically give yourself to the person you love.
And then the wine, this is the token or sign of the covenant. It’s an agreement sealed with blood. And that’s how God made us, when there is sex, there is blood (eaw! that sounds nasty but that biology for you). That’s the strongest form of agreement…blood. It’s like every time you have sex, you renew your vowels, like an anniversary.
Jesus says to have the Passover meal in remembrance of me. When husband and wife have sex they basically do it in remembrance of the covenant they made. Every time they have sex they remember that day they fell in love, they remember why they are together and this will strengthen the relationship and will bring healing. The Holy Communion brings healing and strengthens me because I remember that I am loved to death by Christ.
Sex was created by God and because of this, it is good in the intended context.
I feel like I talk about sex a lot. I think I do that because it’s not spoken much about in the community of Christians. You don’t really get to hear people’s experiences or ask questions of just fight with the whole idea or just chat. Am I going to extremes? I don’t believe I am. Not only is it not really spoken about much in the Christian community but no one really cares in the world and those who do…? Sex is sacred and mysterious and beautiful.

Holy hands

I sometimes get fearful when I write some of the things I write. I just pray that they glorify You Lord and just bring You glory. That they are a sweat smelling incense to You. May Your sanctifying Blood cover all that I have written. I write because I long for You to be glorified in the hearts of man. I know that You are the hope of glory, that man may live fully alive, with their hearts alive and open to You for that is when Jesus is revealed, living in man. My excuse is that I am only a man but I know that isn’t much of an excuse because I have the King of Kings, the creator God living in me. Father I believe that Your Spirit moves past me, passed these words. Reveal Yourself Love. In Christ name amen

Tyra Banks as Jesus?

Tyra Banks as Jesus?
Could this be true? Or what am I talking about….I’m guessing that’s the question on your mind. I watched one of Tyra Banks shows and I was like… WO!!!
Basically she had a show where she dressed up in a body suit that made her look like an obese woman and she looked really big! Anyway, she spent the day walking around as a fat woman and then she went on some blind dates to see the attitudes people had. People mocked her, laughed at her, people were reluctant to help her in stores, people would walk passed her and couldn’t look her in the eyes and that made her feel less of a person even though she knew that she could take that body suit off at the end of the day. She was still the same person she was inside but was treated differently and felt differently like she was less of a person. Tyra is someone who’s experienced racism a lot because of her job as a model that she’d been doing for like 13years or something. There were probably only one other black person in her circle of work associates etc. The point I'm trying to make is that she experienced racism for probably her whole life but she said if you compare this experience of her life with racism and compared it to that one day she had as a fat woman…being a fat woman was worse. There are lots of reason to say why this would be true i.e. you could rationalise the situation etc but it just shows that we think our experiences are worse also, with racism everyone knows that its wrong and people fight against being racist as opposed to being fat…society basically says that its ok to be “racist” to fat or obese people. There are so many other forms of racisms. It’s not just fat people, its people that we look at and just see extreme. It might be a goths who wear only black even at a wedding and colour their hair, nails, eye-line with black; or people who have earring all over his face or people who have tattoos all over their bodies… Its looking beyond what they are at the time to who they are.
Society has gone crazy! I know when you look at it, society gives the impression that pretty woman are woman who look perfect like models for example. They have to be tall, slim, pretty …beautiful! It turns out that we are racist to people who don’t fit into this category. If you see a fat obese person, you’ll look at them and might pass a rude comment or maybe you don’t say anything but you just look at them and they feel you looking at them. Or perhaps you can’t even look at them…they basically get the impression that they don’t exist, they are less of a person. I know we do things we don’t intend on doing but we forget how we affect people. As a Christian I know God expects me to be better than that. People have to look past the fat person and see their personality. To tell you the truth, I’m sure obese people know that there are obese and they have probably been fighting it and society doesn’t make it easy. Fat people already feel fat cause its their body they are walking around in, they probably feel like failures not being able to loose that weight, they have probably accepted that this is who they are …“I’m a fat person and that’s all I am” and that’s a lie everyone around them keeps telling them. Im sure we already give them a hard time, it would be nice to be a person who’d be a ray of light – some sort of hope for them.
Christ has felt what “racism” is like when he was spat at and eyed by people when He was about to die. He was ridiculed and completely naked… why? God loved and still loves and He did this so that no one would feel like this and have no hope. If I really love Christ then I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the way He felt. It should break my heart every time I see Christ being ridiculed, spat at and treated like less of a person! For what you do to the least of these, you do to Me. Christ has walked in peoples shoes (flesh) so that I and everyone else doesn’t have to walk in that light. We should be walking on His shoulders not His shoes.
I don’t know if Tyra Banks knows Christ but from what I saw on this particular show, she could basically say “I have been given the opportunity to preach the good news to the poor, to bind up the broken hearted…” read the book of Luke 4:18, the words of Jesus. All I’m saying is that this is Christ-like behaviour, its Christ-like heart. Can people look at me and my life and say that this is what my life is about? That my life is about Luke 4:18 cause that’s the heart of Christ.
I say that Tyra Banks was like Jesus because she was walking in peoples shoes. She took the time to walk in peoples shoes. She felt the pain that they did. She had compassion. She was exposing the lies that society has. She was challenging and speaking against the powers and principalities that are in our society, exposing them and breaking their power. And at the same time, she was changing the world, she was speaking to nations. I live in England and the show is all the way in the US so I know that they’d be people across the world that saw the show.
All I ask is to be humble enough to have the heart of Christ…Help me Lord to be like you!

to my god daughter

I thank God for your parents, who have also been mine, without which your life wouldn’t have been possible. Give to them the love and respect that’s due to them

I thank God for you, my beautiful gift; Alexa – “protector of mankind”
A warrior princess, a gentle strength, a beauty… a gift to this world. A gift to my life
You are a celebration of life, a burst of energy, a dance of beauty, an unveiling of honour, a sacred love, a protected vulnerability, a smell of hope, a display of truth

You will bring life to many, you will bring love to many
Your life will cause others to be inspired to be themselves just by seeing you

I want you to be free, free of all the false things that demand us to life in a certain way,
I want you to be free to express yourself because your opinion counts and that’s why you’re in our lives
I want you to be free, free from all the evil that entangles this world
I want your heart to be free, free to love life, free to choose, free to dance, free to laugh, free to cry, free to be you
God lives inside of you. You are an expression of Him. Trust in who He has made you to be

Jeremiah 1:5; Isaiah 61

With love always

Your Godmother

--created Sunday, November 12, 2006--

a tear in the eyes of an eagle

Father God I feel like an outsider in my own house.im here for the Christmas and I want to feel closer to people around me.i want to feel like I am part of the them and I feel like im not.i guess they feel hurt and don't want to open pandoras box but ....?I just feel like running away.i feel like im not welcome here and I know you don't want me to run.its so hard to be like Christ.i feel like a coward by not standing up to the lies that have been planted.i wish that you could just fix it,you know...all things work together for those who are called and who love God...things are working together right?I have to be brave...no I have to be weak in order to have extrodinary strength which is what I'm needing.im so afraid of being rejected,I need my family and I cant just run off like a little child.i cant just sit here and hope that something will happen either.God give me strength.

Phill4:8 ...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is of good repute, if there is any
excellence and if anything worthy of praise...

am I doing what is true,honourable,right,pure,lovely,good,excellent and worthy of praise?I feel like running and coming back in a few months time. "whatever is true..." I would have to speak to them and reveal myself as weak as I am and even if they point fingers or think im being foolish I have to stand on what I beleive.i have to make this right.maybe im just blowing it out of proportion,just magnifying the situation.i need my family.i need to know they are there.oh God I don't want to be sowing seeds that aren't good,seeds that are distructive.Oh God!help me. stregthen me.this is going to be long and painful.hold my hand and tell me that you are with me.thank you,thank you.This has been my strength,that you are with me and in all situations,revealed in me.Father please keep telling me that You are with me,that You are revealed in me.Father I need you.You want the very best of me and the best of life.I want to do,I want to live Phil4:8. Guide my hand,cause my life to be a life that you are proud of.Father I need You and You are here.Oh,God!my all in all.i need you,oh I need you.every hour I need thee.bless me know my saviour,I come to thee. all these tears...!?they are making a way for you.Thank you.you are proud f me?pleased with me?

I still wait for my miracle

i want to be like that

Imagine living in a world where you don’t feel complete without talking to someone and leaving them with a smile or feeling loved....! I want to be like that. I want to be in a place where if I don’t speak to anyone and share love, I feel very unsatisfied. I know sometimes I feel very self consumed....thinking about myself and what I want to do, or thinking about how far I am to where I'd like to be or just thinking about myself....being consumed about the worried of this world and magnifying every little situation.Oh,I'm a woman/lady/girl what ever you want to call it...I'll just say my nature is feminine so its so easy to magnify things out of proportion and kinda camp at the cross roads of life...im going off on a tangent
Like I was saying, I have a friend and she basically reaches out to love someone everyday. It’s like normal for her to make an effort to speak to or how ever you might experience love. This is her everyday life and when she doesn't, she'll start thinking about herself and all the things in her life and so on and so forth...
WOW!!!!!! I'll say it again ...WOW!!!
I want to be like that especially to people that I might see on my way to the store or something. People who'd possibly be walking in the same direction as me. Why don't I just make an effort to make them smile or love people in anyway I can at that time. Sometimes you think you need to get your head sorted or to get yourself sorted before you can love people. Humanity is never sorted...and that’s Gods job and yea, there’s a taste of it know but in time all will be perfect and beautiful.
Anyway...why be so consumed with self? I’m going to make an effort not to be busy with myself and just allow God to use me as a platform to reveal Himself. It’s like I'm keeping God in a box. Like I'm hiding Him from the world, from those who stay awake late at night crying out for an answer and here I am just keeping it in a box. This should break my heart. (I need a friend to keep nudging me ....I'll put that on the "To do list")
Selfish, wicked?
Help me to long to love people! That’s what Your longing to do...to love the people around me
Do I really believe?

I am spoilt by God

I am spoilt by God. Yes I don’t know why He loves me, because I don’t deserve it. He’s changing me, opening my heart to myself and to people, revealing what love is and making me love people. Yes I am grateful for all those things!!But I am so amazed at how He has gone before me and prepared a way for me!!!
I stared a course and was looking for a place to stay during this course and I kinda left it late... (I have to work on the late thing, its not on at all!) Anyway, so I was kinda stressed and was like God I don’t know where I should go. The funny thing is that I was asking God to guide me and PROVIDE for me (amazing!) but when I was asking Him I was kinda like "God help! I’m tired and confused”. So many options etc.Anyway there was a place that I saw and I loved it but the people weren't moving out anymore so that was like a no no for me. Like more places but they weren't quite right. Then I went to go meet up with a girl to see a house. This was when I was starting to give up so I didn't really want to go but I did and I loved the place. Know that I think about it God did go before me and prepare that place. The room was bigger that the other one I liked and this year I was determined to live with people I don’t know. I wanted to be outward focused in terms experiencing God with people who wouldn’t know Him.Yea, so I got this place and the place was really messy! but for some reason I didn't get like "something’s got to change" kinda feeling(I think) cause it all sorted itself out and my house mates are great!!!The best. I’d obviously say that because they are my first house mates but I'll see as time goes by.
Back to what I was saying...my room is the biggest and I love my room!!!And I'm paying the same as my other house mates. basically God made sure that even though I was the last to get a house, He made sure that I got the best room and bathroom, its the biggest but I pay the same, plus I meet new people who I'd say are "people of peace"...interested in the mystery of Love-the higher power.Oh,my house mates never hung-out in the living room just in their rooms but they eventually got a TV and everyone hangs around there...so God kinda established a community area probably a month before I moved in.
Oh, and another amazing thing...it’s like God put me here to dream! Where I stay is a big complex of flats and everyone who stays there is a student. Imagine if my house mates knew the love of God and in-turn so did my neighbours then my block then the whole ....!!!!you get the picture.Its easy for me to say that nothing is too difficult for God and I just feel like sitting back and just watch God ;-/
God has prepared a way for me and He has spoilt me...Thankful, I am!
Thank You for loving me. For caring about me. For having so many thoughts about me. Are You wild about me? Thank You for being like a lover. Excited about me and my new place, wanting to surprise me with this gift. Watching me, protected me, keeping so close to me. for holding me hand, for causing me to smile, for holding me...for loving me. For being me all in all, my only one. Thanks You! I am blessed! and I know I am to be a blessing...teach me. The Lord prepares my hands for battle, prepare my hands to be a blessing. I am so blessed! even with friendships and finances...yep I am still here. I have what I need. Thank you for our mercy

More than I could hope for or dream of,You have poured Your favour on me
One day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world
So blessed! I can’t contain it!
So much! I’ve got to give it away!
Your love has taught me to live know
You are more than enough for me

I think of the conversations I have had in the last three/four months...I am priviledged! its like the depth of my soul communicating with the depth of others...wow! You can always sense that God is around.I am privileged!

Am I ready to get married?

I've got myself involved with a course- which is brilliant!!!By the way.Anyway, everytime I went there, I was always finding out that someone I know or someone around me is married or getting married engaged etc .It was almost like "marriage" was following me. Anyway after I while I felt like I wanted to get married know until I realised the implications of that but more about that later. I felt like I wanted to get married know and so I started asking myself... "am I ready for marriage?", "what makes you ready for marriage?" etc.I spoke to a few married people some who had been married for years just asked them questions like "so...how you?...hows married life?...oh,what made you ready for marriage?" so I made it seem like it was more about them (im interested in their lives) than about me. I remember a few things that stayed with me. First being Jesus.Jesus makes you ready for marriage. Knowing Him and being with Him. The second was loving like Christ. I guess He knew He was going to die for His bride even before the wedding day.
Do I feel like I want to die for this person I want call "my husband"? Really? Would I put him first before me? Give up everything with love for him? Hobbies, dreams, hopes etc.would I give that up for him completely when it comes down to it?that’s when these things (the hopes and dreams etc) get in the way of "us" as a couple. Him first (after Christ) and me after.thats a deep love isn't it. These are things I want and need to keep remembering even when I am married.
Anyway, after all those thoughts my answer was ..... (Drum roll).... yes. A yes with excitement and also a yes with fear in my heart! I guess because of the reality of it all. So silly me expressed that I was ready for marriage and he kind of asked me if I'm sure and I said yes. (I want to get married but I think this season was influenced by my emotions than love because of things around me.)Anyway he kinda fished it out of me and I realised that I was emotional. I still feel the same way (the "yes" way) but know im looking at other things know like things I wanted to do before I get married like get my own place and hopefully my own car before I get married. I think this helps me from being too emotional. Oh, emotions are good
N2S: There's the "am i ready to get married" question as well as the "are we as a couple ready for marriage" which is another story.

The stragest thing

the strangest thing happened to me the other day. I was at a point in my life where the reality of having to make a decision that’s going to change all parts of my life was staring me in the face. I felt kinda weak and vulnerable, kinda empty, lost and confused because a decision hadn’t been made. I had had lunch with a friend and slowly our conversation revealed the impact of my decision. I did feel challenged. the strange thing - which I was talking about in the earlier- is that straight after having lunch with her, after I left her, it felt like my knees wanted to hit the ground. You know when your stomach is grumbling because its empty/hungry and you know you'd better eat something...well it felt like my knees -(and shins)were anxious to touch the ground.it was like my legs just wanted to be in the safe place of Gods presence. On my knees in Gods presence. it was like I had butterflies not in my tummy but my knees/shins. I bumped into another friend of mine but as they were speaking all I could think about is my knees. even when I was in the presence of people, all I could think about was my knees. I remember singing on stage for the first time - weak in the knees. I couldn’t move cause if I did, I knees that my knees would give in and I’d fall or something. I felt weak in my knees even on this day. God was calling me to be with Him. This is how I felt the whole day. I went to the cinema that day and after the movie I just went to the ladies. this was when I gave in to my knees and kneeled. I remember realising what had just happened ad stood up because I was kneeling in the open where people wash their hands and not in the toilet space - no one walked in though so ;> I didn’t take advantage of that feeling and just give in to my knees. I kept myself busy. thought about it buy I didn’t really express how I was feeling

Be my God

Father I need You to be MY God.to be my shield my fortress, my shelter, deliverer. I need You Lord right know. I feel weak and I need you to let me know that You are there. That You are loving me, that all power belongs to You. That You truly have my life in Your hands and that You're moulding me. Father, love me know and sing sweet songs to my heart. I need You Lord to be my God. I trust You Lord, with all I am. I want all that You have for me.ALL.no holding back. Father I don’t want to settle for just.....?I want Your abundant life. Have Your way, Your good and perfect way. Your way that makes me know that You are here, that all is well. And start asking myself...why? why do I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come, why should my heart feel lonley?When Jesus is my portion,a constant friend is He.His eye is on the sparrow and I know HE watches me.I feel weak and I feel like I cant be weak.Father may Your peace come over me like a rushing wind that takes all the debris away,like the breeze that comforts you on a hot summers day,like the air the is all around me,hovering around me.All I want is You Lord!!Be my God,be my all in all.Father be the lifter of my head,let me see through Your eyes,let me see the beauty You are yet to unfold,let me see Your heart.You are my comforter and I rest in You.My God,my healer,my all.Jesus sing over me.In the arms of Love is where I want to be.Can I climb up in Your lap,I dont dont want to leave.I got to keep singing

Father I sinned.Do i really understand what sin is.Do I?.Is it the human condition.I have placed all my thoughts in Your hands and all I want is You Lord.ALL of You nothing else.You are King.My heart is in Your hand.The hand that pumps my heart causing it to beat.only You Lord,take all of me

Timing is everything

There are times when I can see Gods hand on my path.Sometimes I want to rush Him - some people would say "trying to help God out".Trying to rush things can put you out of His will.A good friend once said that you could be in Gods will but out of His timing.Those words still circle around my head.An example (maybe an extreme one) would be marriage.God can put you in place where you can meet your future wife or husband.Know, Gods will is that you marry this person but if for example you decide to have sex before marriage when you beleive otherwise,having sex before marriage would be out of Gods timing.You would be giving the devil room to move like he wants in your relationship.Although this relationship was Gods will,it is out of his timing to rush into sex and that gives the devil room to steal,kill and destroy.Paul says its better to get married then to burn in passion but who wants to get married only because passion. Humility is the best thing.Humble yourself before your God and He will be your God. Off the topic (well kinda off) There's this guy I really like (he doesnt really know i really like him so much) there will be times when I feel like I really like him.I get a bit worried because its like my hearts running away and i have no controle.times when i feel weak and need God to be my God.i kinda feel like Jesus in the garden of Gasemini (?spell?) "my heart is in Your hands Lord" i keep on saying.its overwhelming, scary.Trust in the Lord and do good?

sex and marriage

Matt 19:9 - And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who
is divorced commits adultery.

why is this so?its like He's saying if you have sex with someone,God sees that person as your husband or your wife.So the first person you have sex with God see's them as you husband/wife.And then you break up with that person simply because "its not working".The second person you sleep with,God sees it as adultery,same applies with the third and forth etc...Blood is the most serious covernant or promise ever and there's blood involved in sex.So when you have sex, your making a covernat speaking to the earthly and heavenly relms.Its only Jesus' blood that can break the covernant we made.In the olden days sex was the mark of marriage not a ring nor did they have marriage vows.We say the vows so that we realise the seriousness or our covenant.People take the vows more serious than sex.People generally,say the vows maybe once in their live but sex,people have casually deminishing its value.So what if i realise the seriousness of this covernant and so does my "husband"(to be),why cant i have sex?Sex is ment to be in the right context or people should have sex with the right mindset?Is the right context the right mindset?right context = right mindset?
I hear a "NO".My flesh does not like the sound of that.In Gen when God created Eve.He showed Eve to Adam,God presented Eve to Adam.I guess God shows you who your husband or wife.The priest is an extension of God when he marries you.God, the priest and th wifes father presents the her to her future husband.The husband has seen his wife as "bone of my bone"
As you see below,its speaks of husband and wife not man and woman

1Cor 1:1-3 1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

WOMAN - she gives life out of her frailty

She is beautiful, she is strong in her weakness. She is the epiphany of life, of creation, and of God. She completes, she seals and she covers all. She is woman, God's final touch,the cherry on top,the crown of creation
I love being a woman (yes I'd say I'll called myself that).I love everything about woman.That quiet strength,that intuition,that "I'll love you no matter what", that wisdom,that enabling grace.I love womans body too.Oh,I love pregnant woman,I think its so cute with that bump sticking out.There was some advert about body cream and it had a naked pregnant woman,you could only see her face and the rest was kinda like a silhouette or like darkened like a shadow.She looked beautiful.Anyway just thinking about a womans body and her nature. (I love doing that : tendencies or her nature VS her biology). I read once about woman giving back x 10 more than they get.For example,if you ever upset a woman,like seriously.She'll take that bit of hurt in and just lets it grow into bitterness,resentment and hatred.Then one day she sees you and everything that's been growing in her comes out and you're shocked or similarly you give her a piece of material, she'll give you a three piece outfit.She'll always give you more.Looking at her biologically,when a man impregnates her.She'll take what she has been given,store it,nurture it then give you back 10 times more than you bargained for...Life.
Thinking about her giving birth.Woman bring for life.The funny thing is that they bring forth life when they are frail,when they are screaming and want to give up,when hey may feel regret.She has to open herself to people around her.She is relational.She has people around her who she can draw strength from.And then she realises the strength she has with in.She is the only one who can bring life.She sacrifices herself.She lets herself loose that she may give all she has to bring that life.She brings life in this world.How beautiful
Woman, gives life in or out of her frailty.In her weakness, she brings for life into her world and the world of others.It is when she feels weak that she gives life to the world around her.Woman, she gives life even in her frailty

"The little green lie" The power of femininity by Michelle McKinney

from the book....
"Because of the woman's deception,some things in the garden were about to change. From this day forth, she would feel the pain of child birth,a pain that she had caused God to feel when she wrentched herself from His protective womb to become master of her own destiny. Because the scripture in Gen3:16 is often used in the "submission" debate, I would like to shed further light on this curse that affected all woman. This scripture is not about position or submission. If that were the case, single woman would have been exempt from the curse. This scripture is about the state of the fallen heart... Man was responsible for covering and leading the woman from the beginning. But know any woman, married or single, would find herself always striving to have man bend to her will. She would seek to grasp total fulfillment from man, to receive complete affirmation from him, but she would achieve this fulfillment because no human being could be her completion. In other words, the curse caused the heart of a woman to say to man, "I need you to be willing to do anything for me, including disobeying God if that's what it takes to make me feel loved, desired, worthy and fulfilled." The fall the God-given desire in her heart for man to be perverted into a need for all the wrong reasons. Man could never live up to thevoid the fall created, so woman's exaggerated need for man became her bondage. Her desire for him would know "rule" over her and colour all her decsions as she constantly strove to gain his love in a spot reserved for God alone. On the other han, though God reated them as partners......"
and the book gets interesting
arouses thoughts...

Today I dresses like crazy.I wore 3/4 trousers with long white socks and shoes that show the socks.it looked weird but for some reason I loved it.the way I looked and felt.(they are related in some way.how you think you look and how you feel)I like suprising people and myself.i don't like being put in a box.it felt good,it puts me in a position where I can say ...' you know,I really don't care what people say'.For some reason I have this rebelling spirit with expectations.Sometimes I like it but I just love variety.Variety in what I wear,in how I feel in how people relate to me.Its fun

Everything good is hard work!!!Its not easy but once you've made the decision to do so you have direction.all the good things in life like friendship, marriage and dating (which is ore hard work - marriage or dating?); a selfless life where you die to self consciousness and just let Jesus live through you (the good ones are hard work cause you just got to be honest and that can be hard work
its all hard work and that's life but it is so good!!Its just the decision to do so that makes the direction clear

Will we be married in Heaven or the New Earth?

"Gen 1 : 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam. 23 "At last!" Adam exclaimed. "She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken out of a man." 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.25 Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame. "
The end will be like the begining.I look at this and see that God said for this reason - to get married- they shall leave home to be united.This was before the fall of man.Before Adam sinned God said that he made woman so she can be one with her husband.So after this life,will we be married on the New Earth?Or will we have close relationships with everyone there that as a community we will be one like Adam and Eve became one?
Another question,will we have babies in heaven or on the New Earth?When mankind sinned,God said to Eve Gen3 : 16 He told the Woman: "I'll multiply your pains in childbirth; you'll give birth to your babies in pain. You'll want to please your husband, but he'll lord it over you." God said her child bearing will be painful - intense pain.He didn't say that she'll start giving birth or start having babies.
I dont get the second part of that verse about her desire will be for her husband.I guess its probably like...when girls grow up they play "mommy and daddy" and all sorts of games that prepare her for marriage or her husband.From childhood her nature is to this - to be a mommy(playing with her barbie), a care giver(when playing mommy and daddy games),to enjoy cooking(helping her mother bake cookies)....and the list goes on.Was that the result of sin that her desire will be for her husband or was it that her husband will be her master?
I have another question "Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain" will (if there is marriage) will there be that kind of "knowing" your man or woman or will it be like a deep friendship that we will know each other so much.This was only mentioned after the fall.

why be a virgin or why not have sex

I was thinking about this.so why dont I want to have sex? Yes, because i beleive God designed sex to be in a certain context .Fair enough, but there's got to be more.I can’t just say I’m not having sex cause God says so...actually, that should be enough.anyway why dont I want to have sex?as life progressed I placed more and more value on abstinence and that was from God.It became my baby.I began to place value on it.It did feel like a gift and it was mine.My greatest gift,my holy of holies.My most valued gift.A man can offer you strength and this one thing i offer is beauty -the deepest part of me.what i offer is forever,its my all in all which i will give to my husband.The world tells you its a sad thing or that something is wrong with you,the world has just cheapened sex and abstinence. There were times when I thought a certain way or did stuff that made me cheapen the value of virginity and that was the enemy causing me to devalue myself and my gift.so why am I not having sex?Its a gift I look forward to giving to my husband.All these years I have tried to protect it.I have worked hard to keep this.It is so valuable to me!My husband is the only one worthy of this gift just the fact that he is my husband makes him worthy of it.This has became my baby,my pride and joy if you like.Its something I really value and I never valued it outside of God.So imagine, something that you most value in the world,its a part of you.Most valued part of you.If I am able to give this to my husband just because he is my husband (and yes i'll love him!).If I am able to give this to him,what else could I not give him.I want him to know that.I gave him the thing I value so what else wont I give him.Thats why I dont want to have sex because I want him to know that there's nothing I cant give him.I want to have that kind of love with my husband. I dont want to have sex because I want to have that kind of love.

Marriage is there to keep the sacred things sacred. in Gods eyes marriage is a holy thing.he is pleased with it.out of marriage the sacred things are defiled. I think of the temple and my body.my body is a sacred place,this world has turned what is sacred into something common.this world has changed out minds,our thinking.i think of back in the day when the printing press was just invented, imagine using news paper as loo role would be …madness!!its not such a good example…thinking of the name of God,back in the day people couldn’t even say His name they’d only say the consonance but know ,I remember someone say that the kids she taught in crèche thought that Jesus is a swear word.His name was holy but has been defiled and is know common. thinking about my body.it is sacred. especially woman. for example if your in a crowded place and some guy just touched your ass, depending on how you feel or what you think about yourself,you’re most likely to feel cheap, defiled, but a guy doesn’t feel quite the same if the same thing happened to him.just our nature as female needs to be treated as a sacred place.the woman, her body and her emotions are so closely related, you could almost say that if you insult one you insult the other.not the same but really closely related. "do you think IM beautiful" her nature, her cry,only God can answer.your body is so important,it has an effect on you.when I wear heals I walk different and feel different,when I wear baggy jeans and timms I feel different.i feel good in both but its different.a womans hair IS her glory.she can be wearing the same clothes for three weeks but if her hair looks nice,real nice…its her glory.i really believe this and have experienced it.that’s just bt-the-by. you could say I’m taking that statement …..blah :)
Anyway, a sacred place, my body.marriage keeps things sacred.only one priest that has been sanctified by married. the more you see your body as sacred the better you feel about life but everything blossoms from the knowledge and nature about human beings and our creator. its all in the mind

Genesis ..."In the beginning" when God created everything, He took a look at everything and concluded that "It is good".I believe He had His little 'quiet time' where He sat back,took a look at creation refected on all this and decided that 'it is good'.He didn't have a quiet time with just Himself but with the Son and the Spirit.i believe that that's how our relationships with eachother should be.With the Father and with eachother?There was a time when the Son was away from the Father or the Sprirt but that was after the fall.Or is this how our relationship will be like after death?I think of Adam and Eve and God,how was their relationship?Maybe not as close as i suggest.Anyway,i really d believe that that's how close The Body should be.Whats wrong in having your quiet time like you normally do but having someone else there.God sat back and thought,He was in deep thought or in awe -I think so anyway.I imagine myself when i'm in deep thought and just talking to God,im usually very honest and confused and feel close to God.i wish I had relationships like that where I can have like 'quiet times' with people ,maybe two and still feel honest and confused but still close to God.There is a certain way we talk to God that we would want to share with others probably because of the fear of man "what will they think" we dont often share or we restrict that part of ourselves.I think its our nature though to be honest like this but then came fear.I guess you could compare this place to the Holy of Holies or a sacred place

a fathers love

i dont know why but there where these two situations when Bob told me he appreciates me and its felt like rain.and i believed what he said.it made me cry,it made me weak and at that place where i felt weak,i also felt loved.a spiritual father of mine (we're not really close but..) he told me he really appreciates me and i believed him,i listened to him.normally its just like "hey no problem,im just being me" but this time and the time Bob told me i didnt brush those words away,i listen,believed and took them in.both theses mens words made me feel accepted,appreciated, loved and ok to be weak.i havent had many male figures in life who have showed me Gods love and it broke me,broke any defences i had.i was no longer trying to be strong.God loves me like this.i am grateful for these two men!!!

I want to live a legacy

Nicole Nordeman - Legacy.....

"i dont mind if you got something nice to say about me ....
and i enjoy an accolade like the rest
and you could take my picture and hang it in a gallery of all the Who's Who's and So's-and-So's that used to be the best at such and such, it wouldnt matter much
i wont lie,it feels alright to see your name in lights
we all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
but in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides temporary trappings of this world

i wasnt to live a legacy
how will they remember me?
did i choose to love?
Did i point at You enough?to make a mark on things
i want to leave an offerring
a child of mercy and grace, who blessed Your name unapologetically
and leave that kind of legacy

i dont have to look too far or to long awhile, to make a lengthy list of all that i enjoy
its an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
where moth and rust,theives and such will soon enough destroy

not well-traveled,not well-read
not well-to-do or well-bred
just want to hear instead
"well done,good and faithful one"

i dont mind if you got something nice to say about me"

what is your greatest fear

what is your greatest fear?I've always believed that God would be with me but I know with out Him it would be hell.So, what is my greatest fear? Thought it was getting pregnant at a young age.I'm at a point in my life where I'm looking forward to my education,my caree,friendships etc.I would just feel like I would missing out on so much. The scary thing about being pregnant?To tell you the truth the scariest thing would the reactions of people around me.i imagine the situation and the first thing is...how do I tell my family?they would feel like I let them down maybe even ashamed of me for a while.i think about my church...-just to say,I'm one of those "innocent shy " people so peoples expectations... well they would be shocked!!!anyway back to what I was saying,imagine a pastors wife being pregnant but the child isnt the pastors child. the father of the child is some guy in the congregation and everybody knows who it is. imagine what would be going on in her mind."Oh God,help me"..."What will my husband say"..."I've really let him down"..."what will the church say"..."people wont look at me the same way...they wont hear what I say,it will just go over their heads because they'll just remember what I've done"...the list goes on.Really really if you look at this,is really the fear of man.i noticed the other day that the reason I'm, not living with my whole heart is because of the fear of man.the reason my greatest(its not the greatest fear but its pretty bad)...the reason my greatest fear is getting pregnant before being married is,yes I'd be disappointing myself but what makes it worse is because of the fear of man.and you know,that is your only reward ...their reaction.the fear of man!I think sometimes we see people, especially those in church,as God.especially when its something like getting pregnant or etc.we went to a party not so long ago and I didn't dance like I normally do.i was holding back.why,because of the fear of man -- people from my church.i wanted to dance like crazy but I couldnt because I felt they cant handle this,they wont hear a word I say or when they do they'll just remember me going crazy.just to say,me dancing was for fun,it wasnt really adding to God.its really sad.i couldn't go crazy because I thought they'd judge me.sad?lets imagine I'm the pastors wife.i'd feel a responsibility to live as an example and yet I'm holding back from dancing like crazy,holding back from living from my heart.the fear that they would judge me,that's putting them in the position of God.the fear of man is putting man as an idol.i love dancing!I feel free.the battlefield of the mind...

Beautiful is Your praise on my lips

Lisa Mclendon - beautiful is Your praise on my lips (plus my remix)
"beautiful is Your praise on my lips...hearts been broken,emotion reck,life's a mess...beautiful is Your praise on my lips...what makes a dark situation bright and a heavy situation light because,...beautiful is Your praise on my lips...how do i know?because my life tells me so because,...beautiful is Your praise on my lips...you see i've been betrayed by loved ones and back stabbed by friends but in my pain i find deliverance from beautiful praise from my lips...because beautiful is Your praise on my lips..."

this morning,i felt like a man...so small.i felt weak.i really needed God and He was there.i needed that!it was a moment when my heart and all of me needed to know that i am loved.
here i am Lord,a sinner.unworthy of You.just a man,really,i am nothing.i find myself in the same place i was not so long ago,needing Your forgiveness.help me to stand and not to be broken by the same thing over again.forgive me Lord.i feel weak,broken,alone.i feel like my world is caving in an i need to know Your love.hold me till i cry.hold me till i no more.hold me till i am confused no more?just hold me.
i felt broken and weak before God. undeserving of Him.then i just kept quiet and just listened
God was saying that i am His beloved,that i am worthy of His love,that He loves to love me.that He thinks i'm perferct.that He loves me so much,so much.why dont you want to accept my love?when i thought about that,i didnt really want to hear it.You think i'm beautiful but look at me know.the most beautiful part of you is the brokenness.look at a plain rock and look at the grand canyon that has been broken by winds and waters.look at a piece of glass and look at shattered piece of glass with all its patterns,doesn't it attract you compared to that plain piece of glass.the most beautiful part of you is the broken part of you.
i need to know that You are with me,right beside me.that You are in me,living.I need to know that You love me,i need to know.i need to know that You are holding my hand,that You number my steps,that You still smile at me even when.
come running to the mercy seat

Could I?

I like this song
Could I?Just as I am?With all my weaknesses?is it ok for me to just sit here a while?Just as I am?Will You accept me?Will allow me?Will You embrace me?Could I?
Yes.Not only will He accept you but He goes out to look for you, to embrace you

Could I - Kim McMechan (Vineyard music)

Could I just sit here a while, knowing that there’s nothing that I need to say
Safe in the knowledge that You know my ways, You love me completely, no need to hide a thing

Could I just sit here a while , letting You melt away all of my fears
I feel Your comfort when You are so near
I’ll hide myself in this shelter You’ve made for me

Could I... could I

Could I just kneel here a while, doing what I was created to do
Bowing in reverence, I long to adore You
Willingly giving all that I can surrender

Could I just rest here a while, letting You whisper my burdens away
In all my journeys there’s no other place, where I find refuge, strength for my weary heart

Dear Diary - Lisa McClendon

Dear diary
So often at times, what i know to be right i dont do, and what i know to be wrong i find myself in the mist of it...struggling.
"Confess your sins one to another?" Yeah i herd it but what would they say or think of me in my adversity.
My flesh wants to touch, it wants to go, it wants do... what it shouldnt, and i'm torn between two levels feeling like a fool. Lusting for the forbidden but i'm too ashamed to admit it.
Disire to please You in everything i do but... Man tells me that there's no hope for me if i mess up, but then Man tells me that You died for my mess ups...so which one is it?
Do You actually stop loving me if i fall, although my heart is towards You? do i stop loving my child if she messes up? No! i love her just the same, just as You love me. pure and unconditional. i understand consequences for my actions but i also understand perfect love, Your love. and even when You have to chastise my wrong to make me right
Lisa McClendon; My Diary, Your life

i miss my boyfriend,i'll call him bob.i'm laying here late at night,well early morning thinking about him.i miss his company,his big hands,his big mouth,his big personality.i was thinking about all these things i have to do tomorrow and i thought...i wish bob was here to take care of me and i'll feel much better.i know thats Gods place and sometimes thats where i get confused.its like i'm with him(bob) but i'm not.being married,thats the question.i was thinking and feeling and knowing that bob is taking care of me is like water,cleansing me and preparing me for my next day.him taking care of me,its like he's removing the stain or the load or stress,then i can handle the next thing.thats what God is like.He takes care of you and that cleanses you,takes away the burden and prepares you for life.i should let God hold me,i should wait until i feel His arms around me taking care of me,taking care of me.i need to be taken care of and that is and always will be Gods place.He knows how to hold me,weather its just a gentle hug or a tight im-not-letting-you-go hug.my heart is feeling ....?!?!?my mind thinks that its bob,he's the missing thing but its actually my heart is crying out to God
whatever is good and pleasing to God,this...think of