Sex… a Holy Communion

1 Corinthians 11:23 For this is what the Lord himself said, and I pass it on to you just as I received it. On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took a loaf of bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me." 25 In the same way, he took the cup of wine after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant between God and you, sealed by the shedding of my blood. Do this in remembrance of me as often as you drink it." 26 For every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you are announcing the Lord's death until he comes again. 27 So if anyone eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord unworthily, that person is guilty of sinning against the body and the blood of the Lord. 28 That is why you should examine yourself before eating the bread and drinking from the cup. 29 For if you eat the bread or drink the cup unworthily, not honoring the body of Christ, you are eating and drinking God's judgment upon yourself. 30 That is why many of you are weak and sick and some have even died. 31 But if we examine ourselves, we will not be examined by God and judged in this way. 32 But when we are judged and disciplined by the Lord, we will not be condemned with the world. 33 So, dear brothers and sisters, when you gather for the Lord's Supper, wait for each other.

I’ve often thought of sex as a holy thing despite my passed behaviour when looking through the history book of my life. Although this is true I must thank God that He has kept me. In my world people also think it’s an impossibility so I guess my life proves otherwise
Back to what I was saying… I really hope that this can be read as it IS, as opposed to it being read with the mindset of “yea well, you would feel that way”. I hope that it won’t be read thought the glasses of my life…
Anyway…I’ve often thought of sex as a holy thing. I remember the Passover meal / Holy Communion and the way I feel about it is that it’s a sacred thing. It should be just done with Jesus or a your priest giving you the bread and wine; it shouldn’t be taken plainly without thought or knowing what it is that your about to partake in. I believe the same thing applies when it comes to sex. That same feeling you get about how sacred Holy Communion is, a similar feeling should come about when it comes to sex. Sex is a holy and sacred thing.
It's interesting to know that the word intercourse pretty much means communication.
From the Passover meal, Jesus says He’s been waiting and looking forward to the day He’d share a meal with His friends. He had a close relationship with the disciples; they were like a band of brother. For them to have that meal was good. It’s like when you haven’t seen your best friend who you grew up with and you guys used to stay up till 3 in the morning sometimes crying because of all the chats and experiences you’ve had. If you haven’t seen this person for a while or if you know that you won’t see them for a very very long time, you’d want to set aside time to do something together that would make you feel close. And I guess sex in marriage is like that for example. I’ve looked forward to this hour with deep longing… I could say this because of the relationship that already stands that I have been looking forward to this hour with deep longing, anxious to share it with you…etc etc.
The Passover meal is Jesus sharing Himself with His friends and that is what the Holy Communion is about. We remember that Christ scarified His body that He suffered for the people H had chosen…all people. That’s what sex is about. It’s a sacrifice of myself, it’s me willingly giving and sharing myself to that one person of choice…the deepest part of me.
Jesus broke the break and gave it to those He loved. With sex, in females that is, something is broken…the hymen. You basically give yourself to the person you love.
And then the wine, this is the token or sign of the covenant. It’s an agreement sealed with blood. And that’s how God made us, when there is sex, there is blood (eaw! that sounds nasty but that biology for you). That’s the strongest form of agreement…blood. It’s like every time you have sex, you renew your vowels, like an anniversary.
Jesus says to have the Passover meal in remembrance of me. When husband and wife have sex they basically do it in remembrance of the covenant they made. Every time they have sex they remember that day they fell in love, they remember why they are together and this will strengthen the relationship and will bring healing. The Holy Communion brings healing and strengthens me because I remember that I am loved to death by Christ.
Sex was created by God and because of this, it is good in the intended context.
I feel like I talk about sex a lot. I think I do that because it’s not spoken much about in the community of Christians. You don’t really get to hear people’s experiences or ask questions of just fight with the whole idea or just chat. Am I going to extremes? I don’t believe I am. Not only is it not really spoken about much in the Christian community but no one really cares in the world and those who do…? Sex is sacred and mysterious and beautiful.

Holy hands

I sometimes get fearful when I write some of the things I write. I just pray that they glorify You Lord and just bring You glory. That they are a sweat smelling incense to You. May Your sanctifying Blood cover all that I have written. I write because I long for You to be glorified in the hearts of man. I know that You are the hope of glory, that man may live fully alive, with their hearts alive and open to You for that is when Jesus is revealed, living in man. My excuse is that I am only a man but I know that isn’t much of an excuse because I have the King of Kings, the creator God living in me. Father I believe that Your Spirit moves past me, passed these words. Reveal Yourself Love. In Christ name amen

Tyra Banks as Jesus?

Tyra Banks as Jesus?
Could this be true? Or what am I talking about….I’m guessing that’s the question on your mind. I watched one of Tyra Banks shows and I was like… WO!!!
Basically she had a show where she dressed up in a body suit that made her look like an obese woman and she looked really big! Anyway, she spent the day walking around as a fat woman and then she went on some blind dates to see the attitudes people had. People mocked her, laughed at her, people were reluctant to help her in stores, people would walk passed her and couldn’t look her in the eyes and that made her feel less of a person even though she knew that she could take that body suit off at the end of the day. She was still the same person she was inside but was treated differently and felt differently like she was less of a person. Tyra is someone who’s experienced racism a lot because of her job as a model that she’d been doing for like 13years or something. There were probably only one other black person in her circle of work associates etc. The point I'm trying to make is that she experienced racism for probably her whole life but she said if you compare this experience of her life with racism and compared it to that one day she had as a fat woman…being a fat woman was worse. There are lots of reason to say why this would be true i.e. you could rationalise the situation etc but it just shows that we think our experiences are worse also, with racism everyone knows that its wrong and people fight against being racist as opposed to being fat…society basically says that its ok to be “racist” to fat or obese people. There are so many other forms of racisms. It’s not just fat people, its people that we look at and just see extreme. It might be a goths who wear only black even at a wedding and colour their hair, nails, eye-line with black; or people who have earring all over his face or people who have tattoos all over their bodies… Its looking beyond what they are at the time to who they are.
Society has gone crazy! I know when you look at it, society gives the impression that pretty woman are woman who look perfect like models for example. They have to be tall, slim, pretty …beautiful! It turns out that we are racist to people who don’t fit into this category. If you see a fat obese person, you’ll look at them and might pass a rude comment or maybe you don’t say anything but you just look at them and they feel you looking at them. Or perhaps you can’t even look at them…they basically get the impression that they don’t exist, they are less of a person. I know we do things we don’t intend on doing but we forget how we affect people. As a Christian I know God expects me to be better than that. People have to look past the fat person and see their personality. To tell you the truth, I’m sure obese people know that there are obese and they have probably been fighting it and society doesn’t make it easy. Fat people already feel fat cause its their body they are walking around in, they probably feel like failures not being able to loose that weight, they have probably accepted that this is who they are …“I’m a fat person and that’s all I am” and that’s a lie everyone around them keeps telling them. Im sure we already give them a hard time, it would be nice to be a person who’d be a ray of light – some sort of hope for them.
Christ has felt what “racism” is like when he was spat at and eyed by people when He was about to die. He was ridiculed and completely naked… why? God loved and still loves and He did this so that no one would feel like this and have no hope. If I really love Christ then I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the way He felt. It should break my heart every time I see Christ being ridiculed, spat at and treated like less of a person! For what you do to the least of these, you do to Me. Christ has walked in peoples shoes (flesh) so that I and everyone else doesn’t have to walk in that light. We should be walking on His shoulders not His shoes.
I don’t know if Tyra Banks knows Christ but from what I saw on this particular show, she could basically say “I have been given the opportunity to preach the good news to the poor, to bind up the broken hearted…” read the book of Luke 4:18, the words of Jesus. All I’m saying is that this is Christ-like behaviour, its Christ-like heart. Can people look at me and my life and say that this is what my life is about? That my life is about Luke 4:18 cause that’s the heart of Christ.
I say that Tyra Banks was like Jesus because she was walking in peoples shoes. She took the time to walk in peoples shoes. She felt the pain that they did. She had compassion. She was exposing the lies that society has. She was challenging and speaking against the powers and principalities that are in our society, exposing them and breaking their power. And at the same time, she was changing the world, she was speaking to nations. I live in England and the show is all the way in the US so I know that they’d be people across the world that saw the show.
All I ask is to be humble enough to have the heart of Christ…Help me Lord to be like you!

to my god daughter

I thank God for your parents, who have also been mine, without which your life wouldn’t have been possible. Give to them the love and respect that’s due to them

I thank God for you, my beautiful gift; Alexa – “protector of mankind”
A warrior princess, a gentle strength, a beauty… a gift to this world. A gift to my life
You are a celebration of life, a burst of energy, a dance of beauty, an unveiling of honour, a sacred love, a protected vulnerability, a smell of hope, a display of truth

You will bring life to many, you will bring love to many
Your life will cause others to be inspired to be themselves just by seeing you

I want you to be free, free of all the false things that demand us to life in a certain way,
I want you to be free to express yourself because your opinion counts and that’s why you’re in our lives
I want you to be free, free from all the evil that entangles this world
I want your heart to be free, free to love life, free to choose, free to dance, free to laugh, free to cry, free to be you
God lives inside of you. You are an expression of Him. Trust in who He has made you to be

Jeremiah 1:5; Isaiah 61

With love always

Your Godmother

--created Sunday, November 12, 2006--

a tear in the eyes of an eagle

Father God I feel like an outsider in my own house.im here for the Christmas and I want to feel closer to people around me.i want to feel like I am part of the them and I feel like im not.i guess they feel hurt and don't want to open pandoras box but ....?I just feel like running away.i feel like im not welcome here and I know you don't want me to run.its so hard to be like Christ.i feel like a coward by not standing up to the lies that have been planted.i wish that you could just fix it,you know...all things work together for those who are called and who love God...things are working together right?I have to be brave...no I have to be weak in order to have extrodinary strength which is what I'm needing.im so afraid of being rejected,I need my family and I cant just run off like a little child.i cant just sit here and hope that something will happen either.God give me strength.

Phill4:8 ...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is of good repute, if there is any
excellence and if anything worthy of praise...

am I doing what is true,honourable,right,pure,lovely,good,excellent and worthy of praise?I feel like running and coming back in a few months time. "whatever is true..." I would have to speak to them and reveal myself as weak as I am and even if they point fingers or think im being foolish I have to stand on what I beleive.i have to make this right.maybe im just blowing it out of proportion,just magnifying the situation.i need my family.i need to know they are there.oh God I don't want to be sowing seeds that aren't good,seeds that are distructive.Oh God!help me. stregthen me.this is going to be long and painful.hold my hand and tell me that you are with me.thank you,thank you.This has been my strength,that you are with me and in all situations,revealed in me.Father please keep telling me that You are with me,that You are revealed in me.Father I need you.You want the very best of me and the best of life.I want to do,I want to live Phil4:8. Guide my hand,cause my life to be a life that you are proud of.Father I need You and You are here.Oh,God!my all in all.i need you,oh I need you.every hour I need thee.bless me know my saviour,I come to thee. all these tears...!?they are making a way for you.Thank you.you are proud f me?pleased with me?

I still wait for my miracle

i want to be like that

Imagine living in a world where you don’t feel complete without talking to someone and leaving them with a smile or feeling loved....! I want to be like that. I want to be in a place where if I don’t speak to anyone and share love, I feel very unsatisfied. I know sometimes I feel very self consumed....thinking about myself and what I want to do, or thinking about how far I am to where I'd like to be or just thinking about myself....being consumed about the worried of this world and magnifying every little situation.Oh,I'm a woman/lady/girl what ever you want to call it...I'll just say my nature is feminine so its so easy to magnify things out of proportion and kinda camp at the cross roads of life...im going off on a tangent
Like I was saying, I have a friend and she basically reaches out to love someone everyday. It’s like normal for her to make an effort to speak to or how ever you might experience love. This is her everyday life and when she doesn't, she'll start thinking about herself and all the things in her life and so on and so forth...
WOW!!!!!! I'll say it again ...WOW!!!
I want to be like that especially to people that I might see on my way to the store or something. People who'd possibly be walking in the same direction as me. Why don't I just make an effort to make them smile or love people in anyway I can at that time. Sometimes you think you need to get your head sorted or to get yourself sorted before you can love people. Humanity is never sorted...and that’s Gods job and yea, there’s a taste of it know but in time all will be perfect and beautiful.
Anyway...why be so consumed with self? I’m going to make an effort not to be busy with myself and just allow God to use me as a platform to reveal Himself. It’s like I'm keeping God in a box. Like I'm hiding Him from the world, from those who stay awake late at night crying out for an answer and here I am just keeping it in a box. This should break my heart. (I need a friend to keep nudging me ....I'll put that on the "To do list")
Selfish, wicked?
Help me to long to love people! That’s what Your longing to do...to love the people around me
Do I really believe?

I am spoilt by God

I am spoilt by God. Yes I don’t know why He loves me, because I don’t deserve it. He’s changing me, opening my heart to myself and to people, revealing what love is and making me love people. Yes I am grateful for all those things!!But I am so amazed at how He has gone before me and prepared a way for me!!!
I stared a course and was looking for a place to stay during this course and I kinda left it late... (I have to work on the late thing, its not on at all!) Anyway, so I was kinda stressed and was like God I don’t know where I should go. The funny thing is that I was asking God to guide me and PROVIDE for me (amazing!) but when I was asking Him I was kinda like "God help! I’m tired and confused”. So many options etc.Anyway there was a place that I saw and I loved it but the people weren't moving out anymore so that was like a no no for me. Like more places but they weren't quite right. Then I went to go meet up with a girl to see a house. This was when I was starting to give up so I didn't really want to go but I did and I loved the place. Know that I think about it God did go before me and prepare that place. The room was bigger that the other one I liked and this year I was determined to live with people I don’t know. I wanted to be outward focused in terms experiencing God with people who wouldn’t know Him.Yea, so I got this place and the place was really messy! but for some reason I didn't get like "something’s got to change" kinda feeling(I think) cause it all sorted itself out and my house mates are great!!!The best. I’d obviously say that because they are my first house mates but I'll see as time goes by.
Back to what I was saying...my room is the biggest and I love my room!!!And I'm paying the same as my other house mates. basically God made sure that even though I was the last to get a house, He made sure that I got the best room and bathroom, its the biggest but I pay the same, plus I meet new people who I'd say are "people of peace"...interested in the mystery of Love-the higher power.Oh,my house mates never hung-out in the living room just in their rooms but they eventually got a TV and everyone hangs around there...so God kinda established a community area probably a month before I moved in.
Oh, and another amazing thing...it’s like God put me here to dream! Where I stay is a big complex of flats and everyone who stays there is a student. Imagine if my house mates knew the love of God and in-turn so did my neighbours then my block then the whole ....!!!!you get the picture.Its easy for me to say that nothing is too difficult for God and I just feel like sitting back and just watch God ;-/
God has prepared a way for me and He has spoilt me...Thankful, I am!
Thank You for loving me. For caring about me. For having so many thoughts about me. Are You wild about me? Thank You for being like a lover. Excited about me and my new place, wanting to surprise me with this gift. Watching me, protected me, keeping so close to me. for holding me hand, for causing me to smile, for holding me...for loving me. For being me all in all, my only one. Thanks You! I am blessed! and I know I am to be a blessing...teach me. The Lord prepares my hands for battle, prepare my hands to be a blessing. I am so blessed! even with friendships and finances...yep I am still here. I have what I need. Thank you for our mercy

More than I could hope for or dream of,You have poured Your favour on me
One day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world
So blessed! I can’t contain it!
So much! I’ve got to give it away!
Your love has taught me to live know
You are more than enough for me

I think of the conversations I have had in the last three/four months...I am priviledged! its like the depth of my soul communicating with the depth of others...wow! You can always sense that God is around.I am privileged!

Am I ready to get married?

I've got myself involved with a course- which is brilliant!!!By the way.Anyway, everytime I went there, I was always finding out that someone I know or someone around me is married or getting married engaged etc .It was almost like "marriage" was following me. Anyway after I while I felt like I wanted to get married know until I realised the implications of that but more about that later. I felt like I wanted to get married know and so I started asking myself... "am I ready for marriage?", "what makes you ready for marriage?" etc.I spoke to a few married people some who had been married for years just asked them questions like "so...how you?...hows married life?...oh,what made you ready for marriage?" so I made it seem like it was more about them (im interested in their lives) than about me. I remember a few things that stayed with me. First being Jesus.Jesus makes you ready for marriage. Knowing Him and being with Him. The second was loving like Christ. I guess He knew He was going to die for His bride even before the wedding day.
Do I feel like I want to die for this person I want call "my husband"? Really? Would I put him first before me? Give up everything with love for him? Hobbies, dreams, hopes etc.would I give that up for him completely when it comes down to it?that’s when these things (the hopes and dreams etc) get in the way of "us" as a couple. Him first (after Christ) and me after.thats a deep love isn't it. These are things I want and need to keep remembering even when I am married.
Anyway, after all those thoughts my answer was ..... (Drum roll).... yes. A yes with excitement and also a yes with fear in my heart! I guess because of the reality of it all. So silly me expressed that I was ready for marriage and he kind of asked me if I'm sure and I said yes. (I want to get married but I think this season was influenced by my emotions than love because of things around me.)Anyway he kinda fished it out of me and I realised that I was emotional. I still feel the same way (the "yes" way) but know im looking at other things know like things I wanted to do before I get married like get my own place and hopefully my own car before I get married. I think this helps me from being too emotional. Oh, emotions are good
N2S: There's the "am i ready to get married" question as well as the "are we as a couple ready for marriage" which is another story.