a tear in the eyes of an eagle

Father God I feel like an outsider in my own house.im here for the Christmas and I want to feel closer to people around me.i want to feel like I am part of the them and I feel like im not.i guess they feel hurt and don't want to open pandoras box but ....?I just feel like running away.i feel like im not welcome here and I know you don't want me to run.its so hard to be like Christ.i feel like a coward by not standing up to the lies that have been planted.i wish that you could just fix it,you know...all things work together for those who are called and who love God...things are working together right?I have to be brave...no I have to be weak in order to have extrodinary strength which is what I'm needing.im so afraid of being rejected,I need my family and I cant just run off like a little child.i cant just sit here and hope that something will happen either.God give me strength.

Phill4:8 ...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is of good repute, if there is any
excellence and if anything worthy of praise...

am I doing what is true,honourable,right,pure,lovely,good,excellent and worthy of praise?I feel like running and coming back in a few months time. "whatever is true..." I would have to speak to them and reveal myself as weak as I am and even if they point fingers or think im being foolish I have to stand on what I beleive.i have to make this right.maybe im just blowing it out of proportion,just magnifying the situation.i need my family.i need to know they are there.oh God I don't want to be sowing seeds that aren't good,seeds that are distructive.Oh God!help me. stregthen me.this is going to be long and painful.hold my hand and tell me that you are with me.thank you,thank you.This has been my strength,that you are with me and in all situations,revealed in me.Father please keep telling me that You are with me,that You are revealed in me.Father I need you.You want the very best of me and the best of life.I want to do,I want to live Phil4:8. Guide my hand,cause my life to be a life that you are proud of.Father I need You and You are here.Oh,God!my all in all.i need you,oh I need you.every hour I need thee.bless me know my saviour,I come to thee. all these tears...!?they are making a way for you.Thank you.you are proud f me?pleased with me?

I still wait for my miracle